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...Barefoot on a summer night
Nothin' new is sweeter than with you
And in the streets you run afree,
Like it's only you and me,
Geez, you're something to see.
Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros - Home
Current Mood: 
loved
lovedLeave a comment
carlakoalaaa
24 March 2012 @ 02:08 am
30 December 2011 @ 03:12 am
...I've seen the streets in the West
I've driven down the 90, hell I've seen America's best
I've been through the Rockies, well I've seen Saskatoon
I've driven down the highway 1 just hopin' that I'd see you soon
Cause I'm comin' home, I'm comin' home
City and Colour - Comin' Home
I'm writing this in Lincolnshire! I'm not sure why I'm still awake, I'm having trouble relaxing here at night. I think my mind is too buzzed with being here. I got here on the 23rd and I'm leaving on the 31st. It's been really nice to spend Christmas here, and to see the family. I adore living in Norwich, I love working in Norwich and I love seeing my friends but I do miss my family, so it's been really nice. Although, that said, I am still looking forward to going back - New Year's Eve, seeing awesome people again and going back to work.
I got some pretty things for Christmas :3 I got my onesie! Meow! I also got some boots, a coat, my Superman Converse <3, makeup, bedding/towels for my house, some clothes and an amazing panda hat. :D Good times. I loved being able to spoil my mum a bit this Christmas as well. It's something I'd like to get used to doing. I spent a couple of days with my Grandparents as well, which was really nice.
So yeah. My Christmas was lovely, and I'm feeling very lucky right now. I'm looking forward to what's left of this year, and to 2012.
"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself." - Neil Gaiman.
Current Location: United Kingdom, Louth
Current Mood: excited
excitedCurrent Music: City and Colour - Comin' Home
01 November 2011 @ 11:17 pm
...That's just before the rain
Like the mighty current
Pulling you under the waves
City and Colour - Northern Wind
Oh my, I'm so tired.
Life's good. Work is going really well, I'm really enjoying it. I'm spending more time with friends on weekends... had a few really amazing nights out. Money isn't *too* much of an issue, and I'm moving into a new shared house this week... I get a lovely double room with a little office room attached. It's been nice staying with Hannah and she's been fantastic, but it'll be amazing to have my own space. So excited. I'm going round there after work tomorrow to pick up the keys from the landlord and have a chat, and then I can move in!
My personal life is as interesting as ever, I'm not sure what to think or say about it. I'm happy, though.
OK, brain is powering down now. I will update this when I'm not a zombie, whenever that may be!
Current Mood: 
tired
tired19 October 2011 @ 03:16 am
...And then begin to breathe in
The darkest country road
And the strong scent of evergreen
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.
Then looking upwards
I strain my eyes and try
To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.
Death Cab For Cutie - Passenger Seat
I wrote an entry, then deleted it. What are you gonna do about it, punk?
I need to treat myself better than I have been doing, because damn, I'm worth a hell of a lot more. :)
Current Mood: 
confused
confused12 October 2011 @ 06:08 pm
I'm looking forward to many things this Autumn. I'm looking forward to spending my first Autumn in Norwich. I'm looking forward to changes in weather. I'm looking forward to Halloween! I'm looking forward to Bonfire Night. I'm looking forward to my parents visiting again. I'm looking forward to more fun evenings with my friends, and fun nights out. I'm looking forward to smiling a lot over the next couple of months.
12 September 2011 @ 01:31 am
...And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Coldplay - Fix You
I feel very thoughtful. Sometimes you're in somewhat of an auto-pilot... working, walking, talking, eating, sleeping. It's nice, you're busy. Then suddenly you stop, you reach a relaxed point (mine follows a shower and a chill out playlist) and your mind opens up; going from fast forward to a sort of recap. I'm mostly thinking about how lucky I am. I've been in Norwich pretty much exactly three months now. I've got closer to some friends. Lost a couple. Made a group of new ones. I've learnt a lot in three months.
The new job is going brilliantly. The people I'm working with are lovely and it's a great atmosphere. At first I was a bit nervous with transferring all of the product knowledge onto the phone (talking about wills isn't really one you can fluff up and get away with very easily!) but after a day or so, it became more natural. I'm definitely still learning and thankfully the team are very supportive and there's regular call coaching. Tomorrow is staff photo day - the team and individual photos, eep! :D Should be fun. Work have also taken part in the 'brains of Norwich' thing on Norwich 99.9fm, so all the team got into the manager's office and took part, it was a stupid amount of fun.
September should be a good month, I'm looking forward to Autumn in general. I find it to be one of the most exciting times of year. The weather changes again; things beginning in September (a job, for me); colourful leaves and refreshing, crisp breezes; looking forward to Halloween and Bonfire Night; and the start of warm, cosy nights with hot chocolate.
Finally, on a bit of a change of subject, I was on tumblr earlier and noticed a lot of moving images and memorials to 9/11. One of the most powerful images being one of the 'Jumpers' - people who chose to jump off the building rather than the alternative. It's just so hard to believe it all happened, and what the people involved went through. It's a few hours late, but - R.I.P, all the victims of 9/11.
Current Mood: 
contemplative
contemplative02 September 2011 @ 08:39 pm
...be otherworldly.
Count your blessings. Seduce a stranger.
What's so wrong with being happy?
Kudos to those who see through sickness. (yeah)
Over and over and over and over and ooh...
Incubus - Warning
Alreeeeeeet! Good lord, it has been a while since I last updated. Like, multiple months. This is how my blog writing seems to go - I write something, say I'll update it, turn up a few months later and be all 'oh em gee SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED'. As my previous entry might suggest, I was unhappy the last time I updated. I was in Lincolnshire, I'd made choices I wasn't happy with and I needed change. I visited Kev in May, as planned... but ended up being offered a job that started within a few days, so I accepted. And that was that. I moved to Norwich in a few days notice. The job was good in most respects and I certainly found I enjoy working in telesales (further proof of my insanity), though the staff turnover was crazy. Five people either left or got fired within the space of about two weeks. After I finished there, I did some waitressing, which I found is completely not my forte. You'd think I'd find waitressing easier than telesales. I found waitressing to be way, way more stressful. So yeah... really not my thing. I had a job interview last week for a job I really, really wanted - awesome company, great job, very very awesome salary and what seemed like great people - and got it! So yeah, I start there on Monday and hope to be there for a long time.
So yeah, I moved to Norwich. It has been great seeing friends so much more often. I've explored quite a lot of Norwich now (I've been here for about two and a half months) but still lots more to see. The cathedral is amazing, the castle is great and the pubs are awesome! I think my favourite has to be The Playhouse, though more often than not I end up at the Bell! Can't beat a good Wetherspoons, eh?
I've had a few shaky moments since moving - I had a couple of paramedics sort me out when I had a panic attack at one point, but that was earlier on in the move. My mental health issues certainly haven't been 'cured', but I know it doesn't work like that. I'm at peace with that. I'm still on 60mg Citalopram (though recently I was very bad and forgot to take it for over a week, bad Carla - people were wondering why I was being a moody mofo) which is fine by me. The only hairy situation at the moment is that I don't get paid until the 19th of October. I don't mind so much, it's just that I have no money until then. None. So I was hugely panicking! Thankfully, I met a lovely girl called Hannah through TJ, who is letting me stay with her and her baby daughter until I'm sorted. So far while I've been here I've stayed with Kev, Gill and Lotte (they are lovely also) and now Hannah. It's kind of fun, in a way - I'm still relying on the help of friends, but I'm doing it on my own, if that makes sense? This is the first time I've lived independently. When I last lived away from home, it was with a boyfriend. And since then, I've lived with my mum. So yeah, it's nice. I feel like I'm on a wee adventure!Anyway! With the money situation, I am currently on a Crisis Loan. Which means the Job Centrey people give me money to live on, which I pay back when I can do so (ie - when I get paid). Which is pretty damn awesome, quite frankly. I'd be up poop creek if it weren't for that loan, so yeah, I'm grateful for that. I think tomorrow calls for an adventure to ASDA. And I mean, smart price. Which is fine by me, totally fine - I'm happy to be eating! So yes, that's tomorrow, and then Sunday evening I shall be off to the (free) comedy evening at the Hog in Armour (one of the best pub names in Norwich, up there with The Cock, I think), which shall be much fun!
Anyway, I must dash. I have beans on toast to prepare. Yummy.
Poor Person's Discovery Of The Week - supermarket own baked beans taste better than Heinz or Branston! Yeah, exciting stuff.
29 April 2011 @ 02:57 pm
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe.
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe.
Current Mood: confused
confused14 April 2011 @ 05:16 pm
...or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?
I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words
Rise Against - Swing Life Away
Well, I'm pretty terrible at updating my LJ and I intend to update it a lot more often. I've really got out of the habit of writing down my thoughts, which is pretty shocking for me. I used to keep a diary, and kept my blog on Xanga (which is now deleted) for quite a long time. In some ways it's been a good thing... I'm sort of glad that I haven't documented the lower points, but I want to start writing down my thoughts again. I enjoy doing it, and it's nice to look back on. With the Xanga blog, I happened to be writing it when life suddenly became really fucked up, and I had to delete it to move on from those things, I think.
Mentally, I think I'm better than I've ever been. Truly. More stable and strong than I ever thought was even possible. I'm still faced with things that challenge this, and I'm certainly not in a position to stop taking my meds (I'm on 60mg of Citalopram, which I'm sure is partly why I feel able to cope with things, though I'm sure part of it is me getting better) but I feel like I'm starting to become the person I was supposed to be. Not the person I would have been if none of the fucked up stuff had ever happened, because I'm glad that all happened in a way, or I wouldn't be who I am now. No, I feel like this is the person I truly am - I've been through things, some really not good things, but I'm way over the worst and I feel a lot stronger in myself. I'm nowhere near perfect and I still have down moments. I sometimes need to take my sedatives now and again. But I feel like myself. I'm living, not just existing. I think that's the best way I can put it.
I'm now applying for JSA in the hope of finding a part time job, to prepare me for working again. I'm also going to be getting support from a mental health sector in Louth who focus on helping with practical things, like getting back to work and dealing with daily things rather than talking about the past... which is what I need. CBT helped to a degree (more the paperwork than the actual talking) but it wasn't really going anywhere, and this seems the most helpful path. Maybe when I'm living in Norwich, I will find a counsellor or similar who I feel comfortable with, and talking about the past will be helpful. But for now, it's not.
Another thing that's cheering me up is spring. The sun being out, buds opening on the trees, flowers opening and longer evenings make me feel happy and hopeful. I've got a lot to look forward to, as well... I'm visiting Dan and the doggies this weekend (he's moving to America at some point, so it'll be nice to catch up), visiting Glenn for BBQ times the weekend after and then going to Norwich in early May. There's a Taking Back Sunday gig on the 9th (so excited about that - not been to a gig in AGES, especially not an awesome one) and then it's my 21st birthday on the 14th. I'm really excited about my birthday. It'll be a chance for people to spoil me without me feeling guilty, to feel special and also I'm seeing it as quite a symbolic thing, in a way. My 18th passed quietly and I was in the midst of my problems. I feel like my 21st is a marker, of me becoming the true Carla, kind of. It's hard to explain. I'm thinking about getting a phoenix tattoo to mark the occasion, and I'd been thinking of it for a while. Anyway, my birthday night out will be all kinds of fun, so I'm looking forward to it.
The whole working out thing is going great, I'm seeing my body change a bit and that's nice. Anyway, speaking of, I'm going to work out soon so I shall leave it at that. ^_^
Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?
I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words
Rise Against - Swing Life Away
Well, I'm pretty terrible at updating my LJ and I intend to update it a lot more often. I've really got out of the habit of writing down my thoughts, which is pretty shocking for me. I used to keep a diary, and kept my blog on Xanga (which is now deleted) for quite a long time. In some ways it's been a good thing... I'm sort of glad that I haven't documented the lower points, but I want to start writing down my thoughts again. I enjoy doing it, and it's nice to look back on. With the Xanga blog, I happened to be writing it when life suddenly became really fucked up, and I had to delete it to move on from those things, I think.
Mentally, I think I'm better than I've ever been. Truly. More stable and strong than I ever thought was even possible. I'm still faced with things that challenge this, and I'm certainly not in a position to stop taking my meds (I'm on 60mg of Citalopram, which I'm sure is partly why I feel able to cope with things, though I'm sure part of it is me getting better) but I feel like I'm starting to become the person I was supposed to be. Not the person I would have been if none of the fucked up stuff had ever happened, because I'm glad that all happened in a way, or I wouldn't be who I am now. No, I feel like this is the person I truly am - I've been through things, some really not good things, but I'm way over the worst and I feel a lot stronger in myself. I'm nowhere near perfect and I still have down moments. I sometimes need to take my sedatives now and again. But I feel like myself. I'm living, not just existing. I think that's the best way I can put it.
I'm now applying for JSA in the hope of finding a part time job, to prepare me for working again. I'm also going to be getting support from a mental health sector in Louth who focus on helping with practical things, like getting back to work and dealing with daily things rather than talking about the past... which is what I need. CBT helped to a degree (more the paperwork than the actual talking) but it wasn't really going anywhere, and this seems the most helpful path. Maybe when I'm living in Norwich, I will find a counsellor or similar who I feel comfortable with, and talking about the past will be helpful. But for now, it's not.
Another thing that's cheering me up is spring. The sun being out, buds opening on the trees, flowers opening and longer evenings make me feel happy and hopeful. I've got a lot to look forward to, as well... I'm visiting Dan and the doggies this weekend (he's moving to America at some point, so it'll be nice to catch up), visiting Glenn for BBQ times the weekend after and then going to Norwich in early May. There's a Taking Back Sunday gig on the 9th (so excited about that - not been to a gig in AGES, especially not an awesome one) and then it's my 21st birthday on the 14th. I'm really excited about my birthday. It'll be a chance for people to spoil me without me feeling guilty, to feel special and also I'm seeing it as quite a symbolic thing, in a way. My 18th passed quietly and I was in the midst of my problems. I feel like my 21st is a marker, of me becoming the true Carla, kind of. It's hard to explain. I'm thinking about getting a phoenix tattoo to mark the occasion, and I'd been thinking of it for a while. Anyway, my birthday night out will be all kinds of fun, so I'm looking forward to it.
The whole working out thing is going great, I'm seeing my body change a bit and that's nice. Anyway, speaking of, I'm going to work out soon so I shall leave it at that. ^_^
Current Mood: optimistic
optimistic01 March 2011 @ 05:55 pm
What superhero would I want to be rescued by? That's a fun question for someone who likes superheroes! Hmm... particularly going by movie adaptions, it would have to be Wolverine. Mostly for shallow reasons. I'm sorry, but Hugh Jackman as Wolverine? Who else could I choose!
